Sunday, December 15, 2013

Changes: Out of My Control

I'm in the midst of learning an extremely difficult lesson. As you "grow up" and become an "adult" you can clearly see the changes in yourself. Some you welcome with a fist held high in the air, others you try to pretend you don't notice, like how similar you are to your mother; and still there are other changes about yourself that make you question if you always were this person or if you've become the way you are because of where you are. The changes in yourself that take place in college are diverse, complicated, and difficult to explain.

But these personal changes are like a foggy morning drive. You can't quite see what's ahead of you but you know that you have some control of your destination because you're the one driving the car.

Lately, I've been noticing the changes taking place in those who I have always called friends. These changes are even more difficult to understand because not only are the changes not taking place in you most of the time your friend(s) can not explain and justify these changes in themselves.

Please don't view this as a chance for me to slander my friends or blow off steam but rather as a moment to speak about a very true and painful part of growing up.

Friends change just as much as you change. But where you have grace and understanding for your own changes, you will lack both when it comes to your friends. Like it or not, you will have expectations for your friends that they will never live up to. You will be disappointed, frustrated, upset, and sometimes you will questions why you ever called them your friends.

After all the negative feelings towards your friends have settled, another storm will come in. One that you were not prepared for. You will start to blame yourself. Maybe for not keeping in contact better or for not encouraging them or not being there when they needed you the most. Life tends to take us all in different directions that, most of the time, are out of our control and yet you never grow weary of trying to point the finger of blame at someone. This ferriswheel of blame is not a ride you want to get on.

But then there comes another moment where you experience a time with a friend that feels "just like old times" and you forget all about the rollercoaster of emotions and doubt over the solidity of your friendship. And then you go back to your world, and they go back to theirs; it's as if this moment never happened.


Friends will come and they will go. Some will appreciate you for exactly who you are and others will not like who you've become. Some friends will become people you don't know and don't care to know and it's okay to walk away. People change and things are never the same as they are today.

1. It's better to be lonely then to keep bad company.
2. Don't settle for mediocre friends that don't appreciate or care for you.
3. Never change yourself to please someone else.
4. It's alright to grieve the loss of your "best friends" and wish things could be different.
5. Never lose your hope in people. We all get hurt in relationships but don't let the hurt of the past dictate your present and/or future happiness.